I was moved today to write about an isolated paranormal experience I had once as a teenager back in the spring of 2014. This was something I was previously unsure about sharing, but upon combing through my existing corpus of writing on here after reading a declassified CIA dialogue where a subject was purportedly given a remote view of ancient Mars, I feel it is more worth sharing.
First, some context: I was a distraught but grounded teenager, academically floundering after beginning recovery from leaving a very abusive household where many terrible things took place. I will write about that another day, but suffice to say it was over, and I was getting myself together through space and some outpatient therapy. I took no medications, believing I could eventually grow out of needing them, and looking back 7 years later I was right. At the time, I was living with my mother who rented a room from this Californian woman.
One lazy weekend as summer approached, I was laying awake in my bed after sleeping in. I had woken up like normal, staring at my ceiling, until I got a premonition and looked around my room. On the opposite end from my bed was a closet cracked half open, and I began to interpret things in front of me that my eyes were not seeing yet I knew were there. There was this blue, ghostly crystal girl who had appeared. She seemed to mime to me something I did not understand. I sat there dumbfounded, and after a few minutes she got a little flustered. All I could notice was that she seemed to gesture to my left, and there were other shapes she made with her fingers I did not know the meaning of. After a point I thought she might have been gesturing to my mother who was asleep in the other room to my left, so I got up to check on her, only to see her sleeping with nothing out of place. When I came back, I had noticed this dark, monstrous blob pull her away and out of this against her will, and I never saw her again. I have been saddened by how this went ever since.
After this happened, I began to be able to have a direct sense for people’s emotions, and the same seeing-without-my-eyes was how it happened. Different affects had different colours; the best people tended to be blue or light gray-ish, middling people tended to be yellow or pale orange, and disturbed or angry people tended to be burnt scarlet or a deep red. I could sense this in animals as well as people, and I learned a few things. First, only humans had these dark clouds of “smoke” that surrounded their colour; animals like our house pets did not. Second, when interacting with animals they tended to be able to return to their usual state much more quickly than people, and animals’ default colour was a much higher blue compared to the people around me. The location of the colour was always approximately where the heart, lungs and liver intersect – where conventional Chinese folk religion would say is “wei”.
I am an earnest person, so after a point I could not help but mention this to my mother, who reacted quite negatively. Since she is a simple person and had subjected me to intense psychological pathologisation in the past, and I could tell it didn’t bode well with her, I grew discouraged with the newfound “ability” and stopped using it. I haven’t used it since, due to a combination of it requiring a lot of inner focus and my preoccupation with material ongoings in my life. I have to let go a lot to be able to see that again and I just haven’t bothered since, but I don’t think it went anywhere. It has been a long while since I’ve done anything of the sort.
I had shared similar stories earlier in the year such as Our Own Tenson Kōrin, and that with the CIA dialogue reminded me of these events as vividly as if they happened yesterday. I don’t know or presume what to make of the experiences, nor my husband’s story or the dialogue. But I have a strong, lasting hunch they relate to each other intrinsically, somehow.
Until next time,